Put a Little Joy On Your Heart

So yesterday as I was picking up my little ones from daycare one of the teachers said to me “I want to look like you! You have a sexy (no I am not gay) body! I can’t believe you look this great after a baby!” It threw me off! The ‘no I am not gay’ comment didn’t phase me and it shouldn’t but that is a completely different post for a completely different day. What threw me is I don’t see myself this way. And I have heard variations of this compliment from different people since Haven was born but I always brush it off. Why do I do this? Why do I constantly refuse to see myself this way? And when I do get this compliment, why do I always insist on throwing out there “Oh well I still have a long way to go” or “But I don’t really look that great” or even “Well I am no where near what I have been.” Why can I not just take the compliment and move on?

I am on this journey to be healthier and that doesn’t mean I am just changing my eating habits, exercising, etc. I NEED to change my brain as well. I have to really start looking at myself in the mirror and appreciating the body I have, it is the only one I will get (unless they figure out that cool brain transfer trick). Being healthy doesn’t just mean being fit and looking great in a pair of short shorts. It also means being mentally healthy. Ever since I can remember, I have always been the goofy, happy, excited, crazy, fun friend. I was always happy, well on the outside. I wore a mask because I didn’t think you were suppose to ever have any other emotion. But being a very emotional person there was a whole lot of bottling which only allowed it to build pressure until it exploded.

This whole bottling issue became compounded after I went overseas. Being so detached from my world was extremely difficult and I was very volatile. On top of that, the stress of being in a constant Fight or Flight mode puts your body in a bad place, whether you notice it or not. I didn’t notice the severe turn I took. I got home and literally drowned my sorrows. I became a regular at a bar, where everyone knew my name. I can’t say those were the proudest days I have ever had . . .

Once I met Jason, we got married, had a baby. . . .life definitely changed! But my CRAZY didn’t. He MADE me take notice of my issues. We sought out all sorts of solutions to our relationship problems. Come to find out on top of the adrenal gland never shutting off that Fight or Flight mode, I had some residual PTSD, and my thyroid completely stopped producing. YAY for hormonal failure. Just what an already emotional person needs.

So with all of my crazy out there for you all to see . . . I will say that after getting on Synthroid, taking better care of myself and really working on my communication skills, things have gotten better. But I notice on occasion that I play along with the negativity in my own head. I don’t need enemies, I have the voices in my head.

Here are my action items for the mental part of getting healthier.

1. Take EndoFlex to see if there is any change in my blood work. I would love to take a lower dosage of the Synthroid.
2. Run, walk, swim, just exercise. It helps tune out the negative.
3. Look at myself in the mirror every day and remind myself of all the wonders this body has endured so far.
4. Meditate. I haven’t a clue how since my brain runs at 1000 mph but I am figuring it out.
5. Accept a compliment WITHOUT a retort!!
6. Encourage others to see the best in themselves. It is better to give and give and give some more.
7. Show my girls that being a woman isn’t always about how skinny you are but about how comfortable and confident you are to be yourself.
8. Enjoy some quiet every week.
9. Use Joy and Orange on my heart every day! Add Stress Away and Valor as needed.
10. Get outside and enjoy nature. I love being in the sunshine, I need more of it!

*I am sure this list will change but for now this is where I am.